There have been few certainties during my time in school. Job prospects, girls, and heat are all things that managed to me eluded at times, for well…far longer then I’m willing to admit. One week you’ve got a freezer full of hot dogs and your roommate just bought Halo 3, the world is truly your oyster! And then the next week you’ve got no heat and your girlfriend is banging some d-bag with a moustache and a Joy Division shirt. For the many ups and downs of the twenty-somethings you need someone that is versatile and reliable even when you aren’t. Seagram’s 7 Crown is that friend.
The moderately priced fifth is tasty on the rocks or in a cola. It’s as smooth as you need it to be. For the money the fifth is ideal for any date, job interview or family function. “Hey there Mr. Glassbottle, look who’s got a mid-range whiskey and sophisticated taste in post-modern literature!” That’s right, I’m confident and smart! And is this a blazer I’m wearing?! Hot damn, Seagram’s I never could have pulled this off without you!
You can’t live the fantasy of $12.99 liters forever though. Sooner or later the party’s over, there’s rent to pay and for Christ sake we’re in the midst of a financial crisis! “Oh fuck, I knew I should have gone to business school!” No worries, Seagram’s 7 Crown 1.75L is a steal $19.99. There are few things more dependable handle of Seagram’s 7 Crown. This handle is the Titanic of plastic handles. Upon embarking on the epic voyage you know soon you’re going to sink into the icy brown abyss, but you’re doing so with style!
Travolta didn’t get a 7 & 7 in “Saturday Night Fever” for nothing and neither did you for shelling out this extra buck. Things can get grim, but a bottle Seagram’s 7 Crown will fill you with enough “Hope and Change” to forget why it was you had to buy Seagram’s in the first place.
Verdict: Semi-classy bargain.